okay, so i suck.

this is not exactly news. i AM sorry, though, and i DO feel bad. i just am not very good with this whole blogging thing! i'll have to work on that... >_>

for my followers who want to read something that i DO write in a bit more consistently, here. have a link. ;) http://itwasabeautifullie.wordpress.com/ and yes, it's been nearly two months since i've written in that one, but still. it's more updated than this one... oh, lord. i really need to work on this.

i just don't know.

okay, because it hasn't been three decades since i wrote or anything.

this is monumental though. i may finally be coming clean to the boy i love. i just don't know...

current events and slander...

currently
* listening to: eyesore - janus (new favorite song)
* reading: the rivers of zaada
* playing: with mortals' emotions
* eating: trident layers

i'm also currently steaming over some recent slander. i don't understand why people can't stop and think before they open their idiotic mouths. my best friends' dad recently told his son (also my friend) that he needed to - quote - "be careful" around me because i "[have a habit of falling in love with guys who don't like me.]" how the fuck would he know? he doesn't know me at all - CLEARLY. *mutters* asshole. it's been a long time since i've been this mad about something, but it's a culmination of stupid things said by stupid people, so i'm proposing a simple thing:

before you say something, ask yourself:

1. could this hurt the person it's about?
2. could it lower someone's opinion of them?
3. does it need to be said?

or, the simplified, easier version for dummies:

1. is it true?
2. is it kind?
3. is it necessary?

ask yourself that and we'll be saving a lot of people a lot of pain and frustration. that's all for now. given that i'm so mad i can't see straight, typing is rather difficult.

damn...

i'm good. :D no, kidding. that's not where we're going with this one. this post is devoted to talking about my little brother. my little brother is pretty cool - for a little brother. he used to be totally annoying, but now that he's older we're becoming really close. he confides in me, listens to my advice respectfully before respectfully disagreeing (^_^), and yet still looks up to me like i'm awesome.

best moments of this past month of april: game night. we consumed ridiculous amounts of sugar while playing lord of the rings: return of the king on PS2, then played poker and proceeded to laugh so hard that we both cried. that was my fault. if i hadn't brought up my dad's famous line... he said something wishful-thinking-y and i replied "yeah, and if a frog had wings he wouldn't bump his butt so much."

and then there was the time he went off on how cool he realized i was when he described me to his manager at his new job. in describing me, my taste in entertainment, games and movies, and my personality in general, his manager exclaimed, "this guy sounds awesome! how do you know him?" and my little brother grinned, "um, it's a girl." i then realized, well, yeah! i listen to rock, metal, and scream-o, watch/play boys movies/games, can lift more than a lot of my guy friends, am super athletic, and play guitar, drums, and piano.

aaaaaaaaanywaaaaaaaaay. long story short, my little brother is cool. the growing up that has gone on in him in a six month period is astonishing, and i love him to death. the end!!

(there, dude. happy now? you're a celeb in my blog.) ;)

sick. pleh.

i hate getting colds. i sound like a freak, i ache all over, and i get downright crabby. of course, that's nothing compared to this week.

two nights ago, i threw up at two am. then i proceeded to get a nasty sore throat, and now i have a bad head cold and am so stuffy i can't stinkin' breathe. GROWWL.

not to mention, today i went to food city to get a movie only to find out that they were no longer doing the one-dollar movie thing.

am v. depressed about the nature of life. have been drinking gatorade and pouting all afternoon. (aren't i mature?)

i suppose i'll leave now. i have stuff to do. (<= lies.)

epic fail

failTACULAR, really. so much for my goal of being consistent with this darn thing. *scowls at computer*

although i HAVE been rather busy... and my dad keeps leaving the computer off when he leaves for the day. stupid password protect. i cannot WAIT until my compy is fixed!

anyway! in recent (random) news, i am buying my mom's car, possibly buying a droid, and am american red cross certified in basic first aid. woot! i also discovered several new owl city songs, which pretty much made my day. current favorites: the technicolor phase and strawberry avalanche.

anyway, i'm out like trout (as my manager would say) because i work at 4:30. anyone who can/wants to should come visit me. ^_^

it's called INVESTIGATING... (and movie stuff, too.)

not stalking, thankyouverymuch! it is entirely possible that i friended a guy on facebook who i barely know because he's entirely drool/squee/swoon-worthy, but i'm investigating him. it's NOT stalking.

.... is my adamant denial duly noted? excellent. let's move on.

today feels like it could be an epic day. i'm not totally sure yet, but it just seems like it will be.

on a more random note, i saw clash of the titans last night - loved it. some of the dialogue was really modern and didn't quite fit and there were several cheesy lines/things in the film, but it was pretty darn good. oh, and the effects were WICKED! loved the kracken. it was very "totally badass TMNT bad guy." :D (why, yes, i am a geek! thank you for noticing!)

also, saw previews for a bunch of movies coming out soon that look fair to middling decent to totally freaking awesome. salt (middling decent), the losers (fair), robin hood (tfa), IRONMAN 2!!!!!! (TFA!!!)... among others.

the currently out movie that i really want see soon is how to train your dragon, which looks pretty darn cute. i like an animated film every once in a while, although if i never see the incredibles or finding nemo ever again it will be too soon!!

anyway. the summer movies that i am looking the most forward to are:
5. robin hood
4. salt
3. prince of persia: the sands of time
2. the last airbender
1. ironman 2!!!

if ironman 2 does not live up to - and surpass - the first one, i may cry, and i will most definitely write a strongly worded letter. ^_^

another day...

and there will be another dollar shortly. work tonight, not that i want to. some family who i don't see anywhere near often enough is coming to visit and i have to work all night. :P life, why must you suck so much sometimes?

anyway. the point is...

oh, yeah! the point! now i remember. :D i've been doing some serious soul-searching of late and need my "followers" (i like to call them stalkers, but that's just me) to help me out with some accountability stuff. i've started reading the message every night before i go to bed and journaling on what i read; i've begun a month-long fast of secular music; and after sunday, i will be fasting sugar for the entire month. i also intend to start a serious work-out routine, although i'm not sure what i'll be doing yet, as my dad has expressed interest in joining me. so, will you guys be my accountability partners?

and speaking of dad... he's been traveling a LOT lately for work, usually a few weeks at a time, leaving me and mom missing him all the time. we're going to have to talk to him about this, 'cause it's just not okay. i need him around! who else is going to be geeky with me?

*sigh* welp, that's it for now, y'all. i have to go take a shower and get ready for work so i'm not late. i'll write more later, as i know you hang on my every word. *sarcasm, sarcasm* XD

dear god in heaven...

where have i BEEN? wow. busy, and without the internet are, i suppose, the easiest and most complete answers. here's the deal, people: i'm a procrastinator. i can't keep a journal to save my life. so! an experiment. let's see if i can commit to post at least once a week for... three months. can i make it? we shall see!!

now. it's 1:39 AM, i have finch screaming on my ipod, and i'm sitting in a room with the lights turned down low, the computer screen's light undoubtedly washing my face out completely. :P

since the last time i posted, a hell of a lot has happened, y'all. i quit one job and started another, FINALLY met a guy who may actually be decent and not an asshole, set some doable weight loss goals for myself, and have - finally - started working on an album project that i've titled "letters to rockwell." so far, i've written two tracks and have the title track poking me in the brain even as i am typing this. once this is posted, i'll start writing it.

(in case i didn't talk about it before, i'm a singer/songwriter. i play guitar, piano, and djembe - which is a kind of african hand drum - and have a decent singing voice. i'm not lea michelle or anything, but i can sing.)

anyway. the album project came about because of a rather long story that i shall try to make short and post here.

see, i recently fell in love. i'd only ever done that once before, and i said i'd never do it again. ha. anyway, he is an enigma of a boy; one minute he's telling me we have great chemistry and that he loves talking to me and the next he's going on and on about his new girlfriend. in short, the boy is an idiot. so i wrote a song, titled shadows of love, that basically ripped him a new one. the bridge of the song, if this tells you anything, is "you're standing in the shadow of the man you'll never be." i sent him the lyrics because we swap lyrics all the time - he's a lyricist and i'm putting music to his lyrics - and he actually asked me point-blank if the song was about him. i didn't want to make him feel like an idiot, so i said that it was about all the boys that ever made me feel that way. (which is technically true.)

so, the album is a series of songs to tell a story - mine, to be specific. when it's finished, my adoring fans *sarcasm, sarcasm* may get demos. we'll see if i ever get to that stage with these songs.

all right, that's it. i'm tired and hungry, starting to get grumpy, and talking about this has me all depressed. :P

so... good night. or morning. whatever. good whatever. (that works.) :D